Weary

Aww, I missed this. Blogging. This job is all consuming. I come home. Shower. Eat. Sleep. Wake up. Work. Repeat. Ugh yes, I have turned into a boring working woman, thanks for asking. Anyhow besides all that I have this nagging feeling that will NOT go away. I can't shake this feeling that I really, no like REALLY am ready for the dream. I wan't my movie script ending. To meet my soul mate. Fall madly in love. Get married. Move into our dream home. Have 2.5 children. Then of course, live happily ever after. Problem with that, it only happens in fairy tales, not REAL LIFE.

It's tough meeting THE ONE. I honestly don't even know if that sort of thing really exists. In real life you have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet a real prince. They are few and far in between, my friends. That's a lot of time and energy I honestly do not have. I'm not sure I'd have it even if I met my prince (although for HIM, I'd make time). I just feel like I have pretty much everything else I want in life, except well LOVE. Real love, the stuff dreams are made of.

Like India.Arie I AM READY FOR LOVE. "Whoever said love was over rated, must not be getting none. My independent days have had their fun, but when the day is over and the working day is done, I just want to come home to someone." (-Amel Larrieux) Not to mention I keep thinking of this little girl. I literally CANNOT get her off the brain. I even dream of her. This daughter I am supposed/want to have. I'm 24 and my biological clock is already ticking. What the hell?! But I want the dream, I have high expectations, and I refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.

I don't want to be like everyone else my age just having kids for the fcuk of it. Who ever I bare a child for, you better believe I will bare his last name as well. I don't want to be my mother. And struggle as a single mother. I want to do things RIGHT. I want my children to grow up in a loving household with both of their parents. And so I wait, and I pray. I got the idea to make a list of everything I want my HIM to be and put it in my bible and let God find him for me, and that's exactly what I intend to do. I'm still working on the list but so far he is amazing on paper, hope there's someone out there for me who can measure up. Being not only everything I want but everything I need as well.

Later, Hater!!

I don't mean to sound like a snob or a bitch in this post but hey, it is what it is... I am 24 years old. I have a brand new career. An apartment. Bills. Responsibility. What I don't have is time for petty drama and gossip. It's one thing I keep noticing and have ever since I got this job and made my move is that I can no longer associate with the same calaber of people I once have. Some people are stuck [on stupid] and haven't displayed any growth the whole time that I have known them. They are content with where they are and what they have, and just because this is their reality I've noticed that they want me to be just like them... stuck.

But I refuse. My motto is and has always been "proceed, progress". Grow up and constanstly make change for the better. If your life isn't going according to plan don't sit there and settle then expect others to do the same, and then hate on them when they don't. Get off your ass, roll up your sleeves and get ready to put in work. The more successful I get these are the same folk looking and noticing that my life is on the up & up and wanting to bring me back down to their level. And boy are they reaching... trying to get their hands on anything that can pull me down. But believe you me, I've worked hard to be where I am at and to have what I have. I am to smart to ever let them catch me slipping. Even if I did, they would be some of the last if any to know. They will never knock my hustle.

Anyway, I'm just fed up with all the sneakiness, and underhanded hating... and despite all of that, I love them and wish them nothing but the best in all of their endeavors. I just know that I can no longer associate myself and be concerned with people like them. From here on out if you aren't bringing positivity and warm wishes my way then I really don't need you in my life. Plain and simple I'm over you. I'm surrounding myself with people who are on my level, people of substance. In other words, people who are about something other then causing drama and delivering hate and negativity in the lives of others. Jealously really is a sickness and I sincerely hope they get a life and get well soon... In the meantime [and Kanye said it best] I'm going to use their hate as the steam to power my dreams. HAHA!!!

Sent from Heaven...

I am so grateful for my life right now. I don't have everything I want, but I have everything I need. This job offer seems to be sent from heaven. Every day gets better than the last. I finally have a job where I am actually happy to get up and go into work. When I was applying and interviewing for this job I prayed to God to only give me this job if it was best for me in all affairs of my life and so far, so good. He answered my prayers. Thank you Lord, this is truly a blessing. I don't mean to get all sanctified and holy in this post but that is seriously how happy I am with where I am in life right now, and I know none of it would have been possible without God's grace and favor. So again, I thank you and please God let me just as happy as I am now maybe thirty or forty years in... lol..

My First Day of Work

Spent most of the day reviewing policy and procedures, yawning and trying to stay awake, the other half shadowing and trying my hand at machine preparation. Not much, but after 10 hours still exhausted. So happy to have the next two days off... Can't imagine how dead I'll be after working three days (30 hours) straight after that. Welcome to the real world, eh? Still can't believe that I'm "THE" nurse, but it's cool something I can definitely get used to. Can't wait for my first grown up paycheck... my grown up bills are already rolling in. May not get to enjoy it, but still waiting nonetheless.

Employed!!

Please let all the records show that August 31st, 2009 was the second happiest day of my life this summer!! Considering the fact that I finally got offered not only a job, but THE job- my dream job 8/31 was a pretty killer day. So it took me all summer to find a job but it's true, good things do come to those who wait. It's like with this job I have everything I ever wanted. A job in a field I'm interested in, out of my home state, in a top hospital. Not only did I get a top hospital I got THE top hospital in America- Johns (effin) Hopkins baby!!!

After all the worrying, and crying, and praying I finally have exactly what I wanted, and all praise be to God for that! I start in 3 weeks so for now I have to focus all my attention towards packing up the only life I have ever known here in PA to start my new life in MD. Can't believe it's all happening for reals. I'm expecting to wake up in any second to find out it was all a dream... I haven't been this happy since the day I passed the NCLEX ;)

Living La Vida Loca

I have decided that it is time, for the next 6 years (God willing) I'm dedicating myself wholly to enjoying the last of my twenties. Up until this point I have yet to really live. I'll be 24 years old in a matter of days and what can I say that I have done that signifies life? The answer is a resounding, NOTHING! Damn shame.

The question I keep asking myself is: if not now, when? No one is ever promised tomorrow today, in a split unfortunate second it could all be over. I don't want to be that woman looking back over her life all tangled up in roads she hasn't traveled. I want to live my life to the absolute fullest, I must!

I'm twenty four years young, it's about time I start acting like it. And in light of recent events, now I don't have to answer to anyone but God. Loves it!!! This girl is going to finally start acting all growed up from here on out.

This is Only A Test

In a blink of an eye, my whole life changed...

But it's kind of like what Granny keeps telling me "When life gets rough, you get tough". In the end, God sees far beyond what we do, and everything happens according to his plan and his will. Some things fall apart, so even better things can fall together. For the first time in my life, I'm going forward solely on faith alone. I KNOW that God will see me through this.

I won't go into great detail about everything that has been transpiring this past week, all I will say is this: I hope she knows what she's done and I hope she made a choice that she can live with because there's no turning back from here. What's done is done, and she killed something in me that she can never and will never get back. I've been disregarded and placed on her back burner for the last and final time, EVER! I forgive her, but I will never forget this and we can never go back to the way we were.