Wednesday, July 8

I Don't Want To Wait

in vain for your love. -Bob Marley

Still feeling like a shell of a person. I'm not back to being myself yet...

I miss the hell outta booski. I still wake up and go to bed thinking of her but the only difference from now and then is when I wake up I can't just step out onto my balcony and see her. I wake up and the depression of being totally without her settles in and follows me through the entire day.

I toss and turn all night dreaming of her, but at least I'm happy because in my dreams we're together. I feel so empty inside like there's a big part of me missing. I thought it would have passed by now, but maybe I really did leave my heart in Jamaica. It definitely feels that way.

I know what's meant to be, will be...but this loneliness is killing me. I don't even feel human anymore, just lost in this sea of sadness. That only lets up to make way for the feelings of loneliness to overcome me. I want/need her...but I wonder if any old one would do.

My mom is even starting to catch on that I'm different. She asked me yesterday was I depressed or sad about something. She said I was like a zombie. And I am. I didn't even eat yesterday or today, still not hungry. I blamed it on jet lag. Don't know what I'll say if she asks again today...

I just want to be back with her.