Fcuk the World With A Dirty Dick

Does she really not fcuking get it? Does she honestly thing this is a walk in the fcuking park for me? Like I want to live like this. Like a fcuking bum? No job, no money. A degree and not shit else to show for my sweat, blood, and tears over the past 6 years? Oh yeah because that's such the glamorous life. This is what I've grown up aspiring to be. Broke as shit.

I'm a 23 year old college graduate about to take a job at Rita's fcuking Water Ice making $7.50 a fcuking hour just to have my own just so I don't have to depend on anyone. Just so there isn't anyone who can sit there and throw what they've done up in my face. That is the main reason why I've always worked, since the day I was able so I wouldn't have to put up with stupid shit like this. I'm to the point where I'll live in my car on the fcuking streets just so I don't have to depend on my "supposed" family any more.

And she wonders why I've always planned to move far, far away. Because guess what mommy fcuking dearest, I learned years ago the only person I can truly depend on is myself. Yeah people claim to be so proud of you, and to back you 100% of the way when the going is good but let shit get tough, you see whose really standing there with you. You've shown me your true colors today. Fcuk you, I'm through.

Misery

I am such a miserable fcuking cunt, these days. I can't live like this, something has got to give. For as long as I can remember I've had a job and I've had my own money. I'm not built to live like some second class citizen depending on others. It's seriously starting to fcuk with me. Believe you me, I am someone that needs to be in complete isolation right now. I am a bitch on wheels, just lashing out at any and everyone... I'm not happy. I feel like I'm in fcuking hell.

I'm a college graduate, wasn't that supposed to make life easier? I know it's going to take time to be where I envision myself being, but damn this is getting just a tad bit ridiculous. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined graduating college and having to live like this. I am going insane.

So everything I previously said has gone right out the window. I don't care where I get the job, I just need a job. I'm even willing to work in a nursing home. If it's money I don't give a fcuk from here on out I'll do it. I always thought I have a college degree, the point of going to college was so that I would have a career that I could enjoy. College would pave the way for me to have a job I'd be happy to wake up and go to every morning. I went to college so I didn't have to live the rest of my life in misery...

Well guess what, I went to college and I'm still miserable. Any job is better than no job at all. I just want money. So yeah maybe I'll sell my soul and lose all my dignity in the process, but what the fcuk, it can't get no worst than this can it? I feel like I'm already at rock bottom, the only way I've got left to go is up.

I'm Sorry Mama vol. 2

I'm getting to old to be living with my mama. When it gets to the point where you don't feel like abiding by folks' rules and being who they say you should be, it's time to go. Oh and best believe I'm soooo to that point. I just want to do me. I'm grown, I'm allowed. And somehow, she just doesn't seem to get that.

She lived her life, and yet she acts like it's some fuggin crime for me to do the same. She's always up my ass, "Where are you at?" "Oh why are you there?" "You've been out with her a lot" "Well when do you plan on coming home?" It's always the third degree and I'm sick of having to explain myself every time I turn around. I feel like yelling "because I'm grown bitch!" and that would be enough said. It's all just a little much. I'm over it. Leave me the fcuk alone!!! Like seriously, Chill!!

But I live under her roof, I eat her food, I take her money so for now I have to do as she says. I can't wait to take the boards, get a job, and most importantly get my own place, because this just isn't working for me. Time for ol' girl to cut the umbilical cord and stand on her own two feet... this is some bullshit.

Coming Home

I have to admit, I was thinking about leaving here. Being done with the sunny days, and starry nights.

But I like it here. This is me. This is my home. I'll probably revamp somethings but I'm back and I'm here to stay.

I missed you, did you miss me? No? Ok, well whatevs... ;)