Monday, August 31

Living La Vida Loca

I have decided that it is time, for the next 6 years (God willing) I'm dedicating myself wholly to enjoying the last of my twenties. Up until this point I have yet to really live. I'll be 24 years old in a matter of days and what can I say that I have done that signifies life? The answer is a resounding, NOTHING! Damn shame.

The question I keep asking myself is: if not now, when? No one is ever promised tomorrow today, in a split unfortunate second it could all be over. I don't want to be that woman looking back over her life all tangled up in roads she hasn't traveled. I want to live my life to the absolute fullest, I must!

I'm twenty four years young, it's about time I start acting like it. And in light of recent events, now I don't have to answer to anyone but God. Loves it!!! This girl is going to finally start acting all growed up from here on out.

Saturday, August 29

This is Only A Test

In a blink of an eye, my whole life changed...

But it's kind of like what Granny keeps telling me "When life gets rough, you get tough". In the end, God sees far beyond what we do, and everything happens according to his plan and his will. Some things fall apart, so even better things can fall together. For the first time in my life, I'm going forward solely on faith alone. I KNOW that God will see me through this.

I won't go into great detail about everything that has been transpiring this past week, all I will say is this: I hope she knows what she's done and I hope she made a choice that she can live with because there's no turning back from here. What's done is done, and she killed something in me that she can never and will never get back. I've been disregarded and placed on her back burner for the last and final time, EVER! I forgive her, but I will never forget this and we can never go back to the way we were.

Friday, August 21

Ignorance is Bliss

For as long as I can remember, all I ever wanted to be was an RN, a Real-live Nurse. I'm wondering now if that will ever happen for me... In this current state I'm finding myself in I'm seriously doubting it. I'm just so depressed and even more so discouraged. All the studying, all the tests, all the sweat, blood, tears, and money... what was it all for? All my enthusiasm, love and passion, drive and ambition, not to mention a pure desire, want and need to practice nursing, what does it all mean when no one will even give me a chance?

I honestly do know what more I can do. I've given my all to a field that seemingly has no need, respect or want for a new grad such as myself. For me to be the future of nursing, over these past few months I have been feeling worthless and unwanted more than anything. When I was in school they painted this pretty little picture of nursing for us... had me dying to finish school and become a nurse, to bad it was a only mirage. We've been hoodwinked my friends.

Now all I want more than anything (besides maybe finding a job) is to go back. I gotta tell you, the ignorance was BLISS!! Having said that, even through all the bullshit I still LOVE nursing (to death)! If I had to do it all over again, I would still choose nursing. If I can't be a nurse I seriously do not know what else I could be or what else I would rather do. Nursing is my life. Now if only employers could understand that, and give me a job...

Thursday, August 20

This is Bullshit!

I need a job. I'm sick of filling out applications. I'm sick of not getting called back. I'm sick of interviews. Going, and again not getting called back after SUPERB interviews. I'm sick of being broke. Just sick of all the bullshit...

I didn't go to college, and work my ass of to obtain my degree and kill myself to pass the NCLEX (with 75 questions I might so smugly add) for this shit. This is wack. I want a job, and I want it now!!! Or at least before my birthday by the latest... That would be the best birthday gift EVER!! I'm tired. Really, honestly, do not know how much more of this I can take. Like seriously, WTF?!?!?!