Thursday, February 26


I've been contemplating whether or not I believe in signs. I heard in a movie once that all good signs come in threes. Right now I am so torn, and it's all over this UCLA interview. I want more than anything to go, but I pretty much have been back and forth about whether or not I'll actually make it simply because it is so friggin expensive.

Last time I checked with myself the answer was a definite no. But then I've been getting these little signs, that maybe I should go. First I was in the OR last night and in walks the circulating nurse with a "UCLA Nursing" lanyard around her neck. Then today I had the most fabulous day in the NICU, which is one of the units I'm scheduled to interview for. Like I can totally see myself doing that as a career. It felt...I don't know, RIGHT. Like home. Like that is what I'm supposed to be doing for the rest of my life.

One more "sign" and I figure I absolutely MUST go!! The price is killer though, so I don't know if it's finacially feasible [especially if I spend all that money and don't get it], but I really really want to now. The way I see it I have like two maybe three more days to decide... so I hope the decision comes easily between now and then. I hate to say this, but I'm going to go to bed and pray about it. Please Lord: if this job is good for me, if it's meant, if it's what you have planned for me, please make this whole trip and interview business happen. Thanks, MsLL.

Sunday, February 22

Me, Lately...

Thursday ruined my life. This weekend totally made up for it. Let's just say I've been totally overwhelmed with life lately. School. Transplant Drama. Work. Graduation. Finding a job... Ugh it's all been just a bit much. Then Thursday seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Early Thursday morning I got a call from the Transplant Coordinator. And I do mean early. Early morning phone calls can never be good, especially from her. She who never calls. She had my lab results, from my second 24 hour urine. Still with the protein. At first she claimed it was from my period being on, but for the second time a whole week after the thing had come and gone, I am still pissing protein. And i.e. cannot be cleared for donation because duh, protein in your urine is not normal my kidneys might be failing. I broke down. Called my mom. She broke down. As if it isn't bad enough having to deal with the fact that hey, something might be wrong with my kidneys I also have to tell my brother, that I might not be able to donate to him.... Ugh. Thursday was soo not good.

What it all boils down to is, I have to do another 24 hour urine, just for them to be totally sure. Then if there's still protein there I'll be seeing a nephrologist to find out why. I hope it's all gone by....damn tomorrow. But who knows. I'm just going to try this whole thinking positive thing, and hope for the best. I really want to get this whole transplant business out of the way. I want to donate. I want it to all work out for my brother. I want him healthy again. The whole happily ever after you know.

Having said that, even if the protein is down to an acceptable level I doubt that they will let me donate over spring break which was the original game plan, so that frees some time for me to go to my interview at UCLA!!! Seems like the universe really wants me to make it. Hope the same goes for me actually getting the job and being able to accept and move out there. Life would once again make sense.

As for this weekend, I have done absolutely nothing for the entire thing. But lay in my bed, and watch movies. Yay for OC reruns. And yay for the mother helping me to complete the collection. I finally have the whole series, and can see how it all ended. It all makes me very excited for my interview, and the prospect of possible being a Cali girl one day. OMG imagine me, in LA. Don't mind if I do. Well my room, clothes, and the bathroom aren't going to clean themselves (although how awesome would it be if they would) I'm gone.

Tuesday, February 3

Life As I Know It

And now for another vol. of my weekly updates.

[-]I didn't get the job @ Cleveland Clinic. Bummer, but whatevs. I now have 2 new interviews in OH again this time in Columbus instead of Cleveland, and at the OH State University Hosp, instead of CCF. *Fingers cross, this one I'll get* Sue me, I happen to like Ohio. The other at the UCLA for L&D and NICU. Who knows if I'll actually make this one though. Oh and there's also an interview with Lehigh Valley pending...I have to call in schedule. But this one is most definitely a fall back position, considering it's in my current state. Who would have thought that Karen would be the first one to get a job. Never saw that one coming. 1 girlie down, the 3 of us to go.

[-]So after our meeting with the kidney transplant center, turns out that I'm a match for little bro (I happen to be the "universal donor") and we're currently in the process of me donating. If all goes well, the transplant will more than likely be at the end of this month or the very beginning of the next. Damn lately it seems like I stay under the knife. Everyone is making it out to be this really huge deal, I honestly don't get it. He's my brother why wouldn't I want to save his life? Not to quote Napolean Dynamite or anything but: "What the heck would you do in a situation like this?"

[-]My "donor" has taken to stalking me. I find it absolutely hilarious how in his mind, he's actually a good father. Truth of the matter is, he's a fucking dead beat and I will continue to treat him as such. He's dead to me. Needless to say I continue to ignore all his feeble attempts at contacting me. Funny how when graduation is near he all of a sudden wants to be a father. Where was he when I was about to get kicked out? No where to be found. Therefore as far as I'm concerned he got lost, and he can stay that way. Enough said.

[-]Work is work. TJ still sucks balls. But whatever it's money. Oh and this weekend working a double I actually met a guy. We've talked twice since, but I doubt it's going anywhere. And somehow I'm totally cool with that. Must be the Kiki in me, lol.

[-]School is still sucking the life outta me. This is a very rigorous semester. Nothing like senior year of high school, which was pretty much a fly by. It's kicking my ass but I'm weathering on. Speaking of which I have a bunch of studying to do, so I'm gone. Oy.... I just keep telling myself: 3 months and counting.