Financial Aid, My Ass!

I am physically ill. Here it is, another year has gone by and yet again I am faced with the same challenge of possibly not being able to attend school this year. My last year at that. How can this be happening? I mean I am so close. There is a mere 30 weeks seperating me from graduating college, and obtaining my BSN. Well that a grand total of $20,000. Financial aid is a fucking joke. You give a kid with a Expected Family Contribution of 0 a measly $17,000 to go to a university that costs $40,000 just to attend and expect that to suffice.

I get it. They just don't give a fuck, is all. I mean I'm just another poor little black girl who bought into that whole speal about the American Dream. That in this country as long as you have the will and drive to succeed then by golly, you're going to make it. That is bullshit. No one has more will and drive then I do. I have been busting my ass for years trying to make a better life for myself. I'm a twenty something black female not running around the hood spreading my legs for the D-Boys...breeding like it was the only thing I was born to do only to lay around and milk welfare for all it's worth. I'm in my senior year of nursing school bussing my ass to make the grade and in the end what does it all matter? When in this country if you don't have money, you don't have shit.

I'm not some little priveleged white girl, who isn't really even into college, so I don't matter. My daddy can't just cut some check so it's fuck me right? I feel so totally disrespected by this joke of a financial aid packet it's not even funny. I literally feel like I am a bum standing outside of the financial aid office asking for what they can spare and they threw their pocket change my way. It's bullshit. I mean I really don't know what else to say it just....is.

I guess I just have to do what I do best, and pray. I know me and God ain't the best of friends but hey...at this point in time it's not like I have a lot of other options. It's true what they say when he closes a door he opens a window. Guess I just have to sit back and wait to feel the breeze.