Happy New Year?

My first post of the new year. I wish it could be on a happier note, and I wish that I could say my new year has been absolutely awesome so far, but I'd be a damn lie. My new year has been straight out of a horror movie. Never would I have ever imagined spending my new years witnessing my baby brother have a seizure and being placed in the Intensive Care Unit of our local hospital with end stage renal failure. But alas G-d said be and it was. A curve ball indeed. I mean dude has never been sick a day in his life. Not even with the normal stuff, like the flu and chicken pox. So imagine everyone's shock when he not only started seizing but we were given the news that his kidneys completely shut down and not even the doctors know why. It is horrible.

It's tough trying to be strong when every fiber of your being is just dying to break. But I can't allow it. I mean who would be the rock for my mother, and more importantly for him? I have to be. It helps to think if I feel like shit, and if I feel like breaking down how he must feel. His whole life has been turned upside down within a day. I really wish it were me instead of him. He's 20 years old for G-d's sake and he has something that he must battle for the rest of his life. I know all the cliches everything happens for a reason, and G-d doesn't give us anything we can't bare because what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, but damn. It's still mind boggling, and life shattering at this moment.

As much as he drives me crazy at times, it scares the hell out of me imagining my life without him. I love my brother to death and beyond, and I'd give anything to see him healthy again... even one of my own organs. I just pray that I'm his match because as soon as his doctors give the ok I'll gladly hand over one of my own kidneys. God gave me two and our mother always taught us to share, so hey...