The Voice Within

I kinda...want to be THAT girl. A part of me does anyway.

I miss my dad and my sisters, just a bit. I wish he wasn't such a fucktard worthless peice of shit for a father. I wish he could be the dad to me that he is to them. Saw his sister in the market yesterday, wasn't a good deal. I miss the way that it used to be, even if it was unreal.

I can't really talk shit on them anymore. I'm so much like them, undercover. It would kill my mother if she knew. That's why I don't want her to ever EVER find out. Ironic.

I have to get away from this place someday. It's fuggin stifling, is what it is. I hate being in this box. Hiding. & being fake. As in, you know...not me. Its hard to feel connected to people you know wouldn't love you if they knew the truth, the real you. Er.

I really need to start counting down the days until I can move to Cali again..that helped. I've been thinking about New York. It's a kick ass place I think. I could get used to the crowds but it's a little to close for comfort, if you know what I mean. So California it is.

Updating iTunes this very instant...music pretty much gets me by and has been getting me through for years now. Just keep it up. Just a little while longer. Don't know what I'd do without it. =[